


Why Barret Hates Battleship

by UltimateWarriorFan4Ever



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Battleship, Cheating, Explicit Language, Gen, Humor, Rage, Rage Quit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 21:59:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11022426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateWarriorFan4Ever/pseuds/UltimateWarriorFan4Ever
Summary: The real story why everyone's favorite foul-mouthed, bullet-shooting muscleman had a grudge for everyone's favorite strategy board game. And Cid can definitely see why from here.





	Why Barret Hates Battleship

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything associated with Final Fantasy VII or any of its characters. The Final Fantasy series and the rest of its characters are owned by Square Enix. Anyway, this is a fun little drabble I'm doing for the fandom (and it's my first one, wouldn't ya know?), and it involves two of my favorite characters from Final Fantasy VII, Cid Highwind and Barret Wallace! So, I hope you all enjoy!

It looked like a total rainy day inside the Highwind as Cid and Barret were down at the Operation Room. Since there were no enemies to fight, Cid had decided to park his Highwind next to Cloud and Tifa's childhood town Nibelhelm, so he could take a break from driving his airship.

What Cid always loved to do between breaks was find a friend and play his favorite board game, _Battleship_. Right now, the little matchup between Barret and Cid had grown to a standstill. So far Cid was winning, and Barret was, well...

...

...

...

...

...it was a different story.

"Okay... H-4, sucka!" Barret exclaimed as he put a red peg on the command.

"Sorry, man. You missed." Cid smirked.

Disappoint set across Barret's face for some reason. Yet, the bearded muscle man continued to move on.

"Okay, what about this... C-6?" Barret shouted.

"Nope. Missed again." Cid shook his head.

"Wow, for some reason, you're starting to get very good at this." Barret said, putting a white peg on the command that he said earlier. "I'm hardly this good at board games ever."

"That's because Marlene always beats you every time." Cid snickered.

"Well, how was I supposed to know Miss Scarlet did it in the ballroom with the fuckin' wrench?" Barret huffed.

"That wasn't Miss Scarlet," Cid corrected him. "That was fuckin' Professor Plum. Seriously, you may need to hang with your daughter more."

"It ain't my fault the damn sunset always gets in my eyes!" Barret whined. "And when the sun gets in my eyes, I can't tell which color's which!"

After Barret's little complaint problem ended, the two went back to their game.

"Okay, I'm sure to have you now!" The muscleman exclaimed. "B-3!"

"Missed." Cid shook his head. This all started to go back and forth now.

"D-1!"

"Missed."

"F-6!"

"Missed."

"G-2!"

"Missed again."

"E-4!"

"Missed again!" Cid exclaimed. "Are you even fuckin' trying?"

"I am trying!" Barret shot back. "Damn, it's like your battleship's invisible all of a sudden!"

"Well, you'll have to hit one sooner or later." Cid chuckled. "After all, I am undefeated at these things!"

"Just once, I'd like to hit ya!" Barret's teeth clenched, not even knowing if he was talking about the battleship or Cid himself.

Aggressively, Barret grabbed the last white peg out of the box. Carefully, he put the peg inside the plate as he said out his last command:

"A-6!"

Looking at his ships carefully, Cid looked up to Barret curiously and replied this single word back to him...

...

...

...

...

...

"Missed!"

"Oh, this is bullshit!" Barret whined. "Why in the hell do I keep missing you?"

With a smirk, Cid gave him an honest answer:

"Easy, I don't have any boats on there."

"WHAT?!" Barret shrieked.

"Oh, did I forget to tell you? We're playing Asshole Battleship," Cid smirked. "It's when the person you're playing against doesn't put any boats. Fun, huh?"

Unfortunately for Cid, Barret was pissed off that he got played like that.

In response, Barret took his fist and smashed the toy with his bare hand then. And then, he used his trusty arm gun and shot the whole board game to bits and pieces until it was nothing but rubble. Breathing uncontrollably, Barret shot back at Cid with a rage-induced tirade.

"YOU'RE A FUCKIN DICK, YOU KNOW THAT?!" He yelled. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D FUCKIN' PLAY ME LIKE A PUPPET! ALL I WANTED WAS A NICE FRIENDLY COMPETITION, BUT INSTEAD, YOU GO PLAY FUCKIN' INVISIBLE MAN ON MY ASS WITH THIS GAME! YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I THINK OF YOUR CRAPPY LITTLE GAME! IT SUCKS! IT FUCKIN SUCKS MY COCK BECAUSE ALL YOU'RE DOIN' IS BENDIN' THE FUCKIN' RULES, AND I HATE IT! YOU WANNA PLAY ASSHOLE SO BAD? WELL DOUBLE ASSHOLE ON YOU, MOTHERFUCKER! I FUCKIN' SUNK YOUR FUCKIN' BATTLESHIP! NOW HOW'S THAT FOR ASSHOLE BATTLESHIP, YOU MOTHER-FUCKIN' SHIT?!"

With rage controlling him, Barret walked out of the Operation Room (not without leaving a hole in the wall). That left Cid to cope with his broken rubble of a game.

"Wow, what a poor sport that dude is." Cid smirked.

As he left holding his game in hands, Cid noticed Tifa Lockhart walking by. With a smirk, he spoke out to her.

"Hey, Tifa-"

"Forget it, Cid. I ain't playing 'Asshole Battleship' with you." Tifa replied, cutting him off as she left.

"Ohh, but it's more fun like that." Cid groaned. "This sucks. Now who am I gonna play with?"

Luckily for him, Cid noticed Vincent Valentine walking by as well. With another evil smirk displaying all through his face, Cid spoke to Vincent far away and said:

"Hey Vincent, want to play Battleship?"

**Author's Note:**

> I sure as hell don't wanna play Battleship with Cid either. But you gotta admit it'd be a perfect way to piss the player off.
> 
> Eeyup, and that's how Barret hated Battleship. So, what do you think? Feedbacks are appreciated. Until next time, same Warrior time, same Warrior channel! BOOSH!


End file.
